My Pageant Story

#riselikeaphoenix #dreamtoempowerdreams #missplusworld #missplusworldmalaysia #missplusworldicon #defyingallodds #standingtochange

It's been precisely 5 months since I hit the "submit" button and paid the RM200 application fee to Miss Plus World Malaysia. At the time, I knew nothing about pageantry or the whirlwind of emotions and breakthroughs that I was about to go through.

Photographer: Ziinine. A. Britshi (National Director of Miss Plus World Malaysia)

(Reflection) Cordelia and Eileyn, my two co-writers of The Spunky, The Rebel, and A Mama, have been relentlessly pushing me for the past two months. They believed I had what it took to be Queen. Beauty and fashion, on the other hand, are not my cup of tea. I'd always preferred to be the one strategizing and working behind the scenes. However, on May 13th, I decided to step out in the hopes of discovering how my life would change in a year's time.

So, I had NO EXPECTATIONS when it came to the pageant. I literally went in blindly, unaware of what awaited me on the other side. Some may believe I'm a fool. In some ways, I completely agree. Yet, I have no regrets.

After 5 months, I can say that pageantry is almost like a sport in that it requires the utilisation of every part of my body - my mind (intellect), heart (commitment, empathy, passion), body (posture, precise & fluid body movement), and light (vibrancy, positivity). In addition, there are other things I needed to learn such as etiquettes, image, fashion, skincare, make-up, hair-do, branding, social media and many other factors. All of this, however, is simply the tip of the iceberg.

Pageantry also forces me to dig deeper within myself. From my childhood traumas to the obstacles I'd encountered in the past. I fought emotionally as I looked deeper into my feminine issues, which are intimately tied to my physical size, appearance, and personal conduct. This is most likely due to the fact that becoming a beauty queen had never crossed my mind prior to this.

As I stepped out of my own cave, which I had considered my sanctuary for the past 35 years, I also had to deal with my value system in terms of my ego, self-esteem, personal judgments of myself, and judgments of others. It's like preparing for any possible hurdles that can affect me mentally before I'm actually out in the open. I'd have days where I'd have a nervous breakdown, wondering if this was the correct path for me. And days I would rise to the challenge and observe myself improving as a person. It's like an invisible tug of war within me, as I'm always pushing my limits and broadening my perspectives.

I come to realize that participating in the pageant does not force me to change who I am. I am complete and perfect as I am and I am currently on a quest to refine myself as I embrace my *'heartsong'.

Note: I wrote about "Heartsong" in second chapbook I wrote with Cordelia & Eileyn. It shares a story of realizing what happens when I allow my heart to guide me in my life's journey. Click on the link to order your book now: Google Form

Right now, I'm giving it everything I've got with the hopes of winning the Nationals and then competing in the Internationals. It's a challenging task, but I've made it my mission to give my all with no reservations. By doing so, I wish to inspire others to pursue their dreams, as I believe that every woman has the ability to turn her life around.

Oh Yeah! The one thing I wasn't expecting was the financial rollercoaster that comes with pageantry. I just learned how much dedication is required of me as I progressed on my path. I recently learnt that ladies all over the world spend a lot of money and time preparing for pageants (you can watch them on YouTube), and here I am going in blindly with the goal of inspiring others as I walk the walk. Thankfully, I have a sisterhood who believed in me and supported me every way possible.

I feel I'm on this journey for a purpose. I don't know what my true mission is yet, but I'm determined to focus on the process and the outcome. After all, change can occur only when we defy the odds. I hope you will be able to defy yours as well. Go where your "heartsong" guides you. You will never be alone. You will always be supported.

Love & Light ♡