- Mar 15, 2022
- 6 min read

The Fire Awakens The Phoenix (The International Pageant Story)

#MPW2022 #MissPlusWorld #MissPlusWorldMalaysia #pageantry #beautyqueen #adventureends #adventurebegins #bethechange #selfredemption #mentalempowerment #riselikeaphoenix

Exactly 2 months ago, I was on stage at Le Méridien Kuala Lumpur being crowned as Miss Plus World Malaysia. It felt like a dream as I couldn't imagined myself being addressed as a beauty queen. I remembered sitting down in the next morning wondering why is everyone calling me the Queen suddenly. Did someone forget my name?

Photo by Gwyneth Loh | Costume by Rickyy Wong

It wasn't always a high ride though. Almost immediately, I had to work on getting sponsorships, and raising funds to be able to compete internationally. One might think that with a title, and a dream to make my country proud, this journey will be a breeze. Yet, it was almost an impossible struggle to come out of this positively.

Just days before my birthday, I received rejections upon rejections. Words that pierced through me, and make me question my worth, abilities, and position in all of this. People that I trusted turned their backs against me, and people that I gave my heart denied me.

You're pushing your luck too far. What nonsense is this, beauty pageant? Who wants to see fat people on stage?

You may see what's the last queen is doing. Any attention still on her?

It didn't help that promises were made which were never kept. It led me to making promises that I personally couldn't keep. One after another, I found myself trapped in the emotions of fear, anxiety, doubts, and unworthiness. Maybe this wasn't meant to be...?

One after another.. Will this end? Definitely not a pageant material photo :P

I was scared to the brinks of insanity. What if I failed those who placed their trust in me? How can I repay those who have supported me? Are their words true...? Cause trust me, I'm struggling hard to see hope or possibilities right now. Am I even enough?

I cried, and choked. Lost my appetite to eat. Struggling to find the strength to complete my humanitarian video, and at the same time managing all these emotions. It didn't help that Chinese New Year is just a few days away, and I had the responsibility to plan and execute it.

A day before my birthday... January 27th - I decided I had enough of this drama and internal struggle within. I did a deep reflection and this was my little self-conversation:-

Question: What do you want?

Answer: I don't know. I know I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'll do anything not to wake up another day in fear - crying in cold sweat, wishing all of these to end.

Question: Okay. So that's what you don't want. Now, Elena, what do you want?

Answer: *sobbing* I want to try. I want to live without regrets. I want to be able to look back and pat myself for not giving up. Even if it means I don't make it to the internationals... Even if it means I failed my sponsors and those that have supported me... I want to be standing at the end of the day saying, "I gave my all and gave my best. I have no regrets." And I want to be able to accept the outcome no matter the results.

Baju Kebaya worn for Preliminary Interview

And so, I persevered. I stopped allowing rejections, rude comments, unappropriated thoughts that was designed to pull me down affect me. In every comment that condemned or made fun of me... came 5 others that were supporting, encouraging, and inspiring me to step-up and never give up.

In every challenge, I allowed myself to crash for a while before picking my pieces up again. With every pitfall, I gave myself the opportunity to make a choice - to give up, or to persevere. Truthfully, I didn't know where this will lead me to, and I have no idea what will happen to me after the pageant. All I knew was that giving up was not an option for me - unless it was beyond my own control.

More challenges came along the way. Some challenges almost forced me to end my journey before the internationals. But thank God for Mama Constance as she kept giving me some additional time and space to pull a miracle together.

And I held myself together with these wise words of my sponsor, Aunty Amarjit,

Elena. This is no longer just about you. You are representing our country. Remember this, you are representing Malaysia. I am so proud of you.

National Costume - Phoenix Queen | Represents Malaysia as a nation. No matter the adversities, we all will rise together with virtue, grace and harmony as one. ,

I cried hearing her words of encouragements. It was her words that reminded me this journey is no longer just about the national, or international pageant. It is about stepping-up for what I believed in, and it is about being the voice for many that had been suppressed.

The death of Miss USA, Cheslie Kryst helped anchor this vision of mine. Often, the journey of life seemed like a lonely one. Nobody could understand what is in our mind. I dare say that we ourselves wouldn't know it sometimes. We are all taught to think and act positively, but at the cost of suppressing how we feel about ourselves (and everything around us). Is there a better way? Cause I know how it feels to be wondering alone with no (to little) support and it can be a nasty ride.

My platform, Self-Redemption and Mental Empowerment made total sense to me (even when it doesn't to others). My life journey since 13th May 2020 had been about redeeming myself, reclaiming back my own power, rediscovering my potential, and living life to the fullest.

It is through my journey of relearning values, overcoming adversities, and embracing my Light that I am able to share my secrets of rising like a phoenix. Therefore, I believe this platform could be a potential sustainable solution towards combating depression and suicidal ideation. It's not about yesterday, or tomorrow... happiness begins with choosing to be alive today.

And with this resolution, I pulled myself together to make this miracle happen. I am proud to say I represented my beloved country, Malaysia. And I got to know inspiring, empowering, and amazing women & men throughout the world that are making a difference in their own way to spread hope, Light, and joy to those they could reach out to.

My greatest achievement was that I made it here.

My greatest blessing was to be able to scream, cheer, and celebrate everyone's win.

My greatest abundance was when I realized I can have faith in humanity for there are many amazing Lights, and good people around.

The existence of Miss Plus World pageant is the proof of this. Despite doing it virtually, I got to watch Mama Nanette, Mama Constance, Erial Ramsay, Sanoe Tuitele, Samantha Alexes, Melissa Tyndall, Chakiva Latrell, Randeika Foulkes-Cartwright, Wendy Roach and many other Queens (and Kings) including this year contestants doing their very best in every way to keep us (that are doing it virtually) included throughout the 5 days... this isn't just a beauty pageant, we are a family - near or far, distance can't separate our hearts.

I'm truly grateful for this experience. Never in my life I would imagine myself in a beautiful gown - what more, being a part of an international beauty pageant. I don't have any regrets; instead I learned new life skills, embraced new values and gained beautiful friendships around the globe. This is an unforgettable journey that very few have the blessings to experience and I'm blessed to be one of them.

A big congratulations to the new reigning Royal Court. You have big shoes to fill as the Royal Courts before you had done amazing things throughout the years. However, I have faith in everyone of you, and if you need... I'll be here with you, always.

Miss Plus World - Sylvanna Charles & Miss Plus Humanitarian Ambassador - Racheal Yvonne Davis

Miss Plus World 2022 - Sylvanna Charles (British Virgin Islands) Miss Plus World Humanitarian Ambassador 2022 - Racheal Yvonne Davis (America)

Ms Plus Intercontinental World - Dr. Meahgan Dickerson & Ms Plus Intercontinental Humanitarian Ambassador 2022 - Kimberly Walker

Ms Plus Intercontinental 2022 - Dr. Meahgan Dickerson, Esq. (North America) Ms Plus Intercontinental Humanitarian Ambassador 2022 - Kimberly Walker (U.S)

Mr Plus Intercontinental World - Deshawn Augustine & Mr Plus Intercontinental Humanitarian Ambassador, De'Quan Browne-Schmidt

Mr. Plus Intercontinental 2022 - Deshawn Augustine (St. Lucia) Mr. Plus Intercontinental Humanitarian Ambassador 2022 - De'Quan Browne-Schmidt (US Virgin Islands)

I would also want to extend my huge Thank You to my sponsors, partners, and those that had been with me throughout the pageant journey. This wouldn't be possible without you.