Am I Good Enough?

Have this question ever pondered in your head? How often have you rejected exploring something new or just left things incomplete just because you questioned your worth / abilities?

I remembered this feeling. One that I struggled with as I got older and older. When I was a kid (before primary school), I remembered the joy of learning and the power of knowledge. I was always excited to learn something new or to solve a complicated mathematical problem. But I got older and I learn what failure felt like - I slowly stopped exploring and started comparing myself with others instead. It definitely didn't help that it's a common practice around my love ones. This eventually took a toll on me as I had more and more doubts in my abilities & worth. Maybe... I'm just not good enough.

Cordelia Lee

Eileyn Chua

When Cordelia & Eileyn approached me to partner with them on a writing project in January this year, I pretty much wanted to reject the idea. These two power ladies have profiles and stories worth learning about, the kinda stories that I believe could liberate the world. But me... Who am I? And what can I share that's even half substantial to their stories?

But this year, 2021 is a year I choose to challenge myself. I choose to challenge my comfort zone, my values, my belief systems, my abilities and my worth. All because I want to experience happiness.

I always thought happiness is what's around me - the materials I have, the food I'm eating, places I've been to, the parties I'm invited to and the people I have around me. This changed drastically last year when I asked God for a second of happiness - it was never what's around me but what's within. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy comfort or luxury... I DO [probably more than Cordelia & Eileyn]. I just learned that only I need to work within with acceptance and love to experience that.

One of the ways I am able to achieve that is to be more in-tuned with myself. That means to start taking actions for things I want. To stop judging and speculating - instead learn through experiencing. Most importantly, never tell myself I can't without even giving my 100%. I may not be the best. I may realize this isn't for me. But only through my actual experience I will be able to know to what extent I can go in a specific task/role.

So, in I jumped into this bandwagon... filled with anxiety, fears and doubts. During the start of this partnership, I would just go along with what the other two ladies would say/discuss. I do my best to be present, to learn and to absorb as much as I could as these ladies were moving like a bullet train (HAHA! NO JOKE!). Eventually, I got the hang of things and decided to do it in my very own way. With no intention to compare but in every intention to compliment one another - and I believe we did a pretty good job too! Here's my little poetry of my journey with them:-

There were days it was crazy. 
Days I wanted to give up. 
Days I wanted to just say - ENOUGH. 

There were days it was stagnant.
To be precise, it was months before things moved again. 

Then there were days it was empowering. 
To be around them is my daily reminder.
Never to take anything for granted.
Elena, remember you need to keep up with them!

Discussions upon discussions. 
Sharing upon sharing. 
I find my mind opening up to possibilities...
And also opportunities of change. 

The journey have it's hiccups 
Yet, I'd say it was also a breeze.
I find myself understanding me better than ever before.
 
And now, when it's almost the end of the 1st half of the year
This partnership is ready to be revealed. 

I believe you can guess by now. A book will soon be revealed. One I'd say I'm proud of as I'm working side-by-side in unison with the two ladies that inspires & empowers me every single day. When you feel you world is shutting you down and there's nothing good in it - I hope this book will provide you with some assurance that everything will be okay. I hope our stories will be able to inspire and empower you to see your situation as an opportunity of change, of hope and of dreams.

But before I reveal the title of the book, the name of our trio and what will be coming ahead... I'll first share a little about each of them in my next few posts. I hope with this, you will have some better insights about their background and why I look-up to them as my pillar of strength & hope.